What is worth?
How do you define worthy?
Oftentimes as we go through life we hold stock in how others perceive us. From a young age we are seeking approval from our parents, friends, family and anyone who will see us. As children we have this desperate need to be seen, this need to feel worthy of being seen.
In my teen years I really started aligning with this feeling of unworthy. I did not feel like I was worthy of attention, I felt like I was insignificant. I felt like I was not worthy of more, not worthy of accessing my path or really even connecting to my soul. I felt like I was not destined to have everything I desired in life, I simply was not worthy.
As I started getting older I started to truly see how this lack of self worth was effecting me. I kept connecting to people much longer than I had any business being connected to, staying in the same mundane job for a number of years and being incredibly unhappy because I simply did not deserve anything more. I did not deserve the life I wanted, I had to settle for the life I was given. I had a feeling that I was different, that I had a connection to divine energy but I was unsure of what that would look like for me OR if I even believed that it was true.
It wasn't until after I had my first child I started seeing the value in myself and what I had to offer the world. I was no longer in this mundane cycle I was a mom with a lot of growing to do and I knew it. I knew I needed to make changes, but I still was not connecting my worth as a person to being the thing that was holding me back from accessing all my potential and unlocking my power.
I knew changes needed to be made in my life, I knew it was time to slowly put the pieces together to feel worthy to really feel worthy. I knew it was time, I just knew. When you live in a constant state of limiting beliefs you are in a sense holding yourself back from true growth and walking in your power. When you are continually telling yourself things like I am not worthy, I am not enough etc, you are setting the tone for your vibration in life. That is your vibe that is your frequency. I was very low vibe for a very long time. Telling myself I am not worthy, I am not enough consumed my thoughts daily. I never had enough, I was succumbing to societal pressures to have it all. Your worth to society is having a good job, a spouse, a few kids, a house, a dog and a white picket fence and you need all this money as well to do all these extra things in life. I was falling far behind in what society trained me I should be doing to feel worthy.
I went to college late in my life to start finding that 9-5 career society believes I should have. I felt in going to college and getting a career I would be able to have the life I am supposed to have and others would see my value, others would see my worth. So I did it I graduated from college with a high average and I started working in that field. It did not give me joy, it did not light me up but at least I was worthy of respect from society because I was doing what I was told I needed to do to have a happy picture perfect life right? Surely people would start seeing my worth now right? Not the case.
I felt the same feeling with different scenery, it was the same thing but different. I was living this mundane joyless existence. My kids brought me joy, and my husband I knew they saw me for who I am and they saw my worth, but why couldn't society? Why was no one else seeing my worth?, Why was no one seeing my value?.
This desperate need to be seen I guess you could call a shadow in the line of work I am in now, but what I like to call it is human. It is human nature to need or want some validation from others. We as humans have a need for connection and in that connection is a need to be seen. A need for others to see you as you are and acknowledge you, and your feelings. When I first started doing this work I was seeing the need for validation from others as a shadow. While it can be in certain situations, I am now seeing this need for validation as human. It is our human nature to be seen and find understanding and acceptance in others. That is not a shadow, that is human.
I wanted to be seen as worthy, I still do to some degree. But what I want more is to make sure others see themselves. The largest piece of my puzzle that was missing was my ability to see my worth for myself. I was searching for the ability to see my worth first so others could see what I have to offer is worthy. I was too busy seeking validation from others I was neglecting validating myself. I learned I must fill my own cup first before giving to others. So I fill my cup first. I tell myself everyday I am worthy of this life that I desire.
Does that mean I will never feel unworthy again?
Does that mean I am healed?
What it does mean is that I see me, I accept me and all my own qualities good and bad. I like the person that I am seeing in the mirror everyday, I adore the person I am becoming and I most certainly know I am worthy of everything I desire in life without question.